oh hell

if how you start your monday is any indication of how the rest of the week will go, i would like for someone to either shoot me with a tranquilizer gun repeatedly for the next six days or prescribe me a drug that will knock me out for the same duration.

i woke up early (early meaning basically anytime before 10 o’clock...unemployed boomerangers have no reason to get out of bed before then) this morning to make some follow-up calls to the places i applied to last week. my five calls pretty much yielded nothing. if you’re wondering why i made only five calls when i had mentioned previously that i applied to six companies, that’s because the sixth company explicitly told me that if i was a good match i would have received a call that same day...tear. i learned from my telethon that the managers at one business have decided to not hire new staff as they approach the holiday season (this makes a lot of sense considering how we americans don’t like to buy things, especially around thanksgiving or christmas). the events coordinator at the catering company i am interested in was unavailable (yet again) to speak and i am beginning to think that she doesn’t exist. i found out that another catering job requires me to submit a cover letter in addition to a resume which i now have to pull out of my ass. one of the bakeshops i am considering was simply not open today and the other took my name and number to be passed along to the owner when she got in. but get this: the owner’s name is katrina as well, which i think screws my chances because who would want to hire someone for their small company who shares the same name? i wouldn’t.

so that was a synopsis of the disappointing news relating to my job search, but now we get to the really painful part: sending one hundred and eighty-five of my dollars to the courthouse in lovely horry, south carolina. i was handed my first ever traffic ticket for speeding about a month ago. oh, and let’s not forget the five dollar fee on top of that for the bank issuing me a cashier’s check. thanks, wachovia...is that going to pay for a new bag of sad little lollipops you so generously offer your customers? i do have to say though that the bank clerk who assisted me was very kind and helpful. she had the honor of also serving as my notary. yes, that’s right. i had to have a complete stranger prove that i am who i say i am this morning. why? it’s all part of the joyful process of obtaining an authorized copy of your original birth certificate...if you happen to lose it...which i did...possibly in bermuda. anyways, without this document, you cannot prove that you were actually born to the dmv. they will not let you apply for a new license. a passport would do the trick, but guess what, mine’s expired! thus beginning another agonizing journey to obtain a valid document. are you starting to feel just a little bit sorry for me? well maybe this will do the trick: as if trying to find a job, get a passport and license, figure out how i am going to have health and dental insurance, and deal with my traffic ticket isn’t enough, i am also avoiding the library because i know i have overdue fines. i am guilty of tardiness in turning in my last cycle of books...and at a twenty-cent late fee per day per book, well...there’s just no telling what kind of trouble i am in. which brings me to an important question: if you die with unpaid library fines, who shoulders the burden? if there is such a thing as “library life insurance” out there, sign me up. i don’t want my grandkids to have to pay for my mistakes.