...

currently on delta flight 1463 with non-stop service to atlanta. my bag of magnolia cupcakes have been re-located by the flight attendant to an overhead compartment beyond my reach. needless to say, i am concerned for their safety. this nearly week-long journey to rochester, my alma mater, and finally new york city has left me with good and bad memories that will help shape my upcoming blogging. i am still working on part III of my anniversary posts, so stay tuned for that...

flight attendants are strutting down the aisles...what do you think: pretzels, peanuts, or those irresistible biscoff cookies? right now i am just thankful that the grande pumpkin spice latte that i consumed in the airport hasn't caught up with me yet...i would really hate to have to inconvenience members of row twenty-six.

safe flying...

part II: expectation hangover

forget tequila. forget vodka, wine, and (dare i say it) long island iced teas. suffering from an “expectation hangover” is way worse than waking up and realizing that a moving train has taken up residence inside your head...repeatedly, and with no signs of slowing down. water, aspirin, and rest are all commonly used methods to relieve the pain, but the way to cure an expectation hangover is a bit more complicated.

hassler cleverly defines an expectation hangover as occurring when, “we hold a certain expectation but things do not turn out as we thought they should or would have liked, and we then feel awful”. i’d bet that we have all felt like this at least once, probably several times.

i came out of college knowing that i wasn’t in a hurry to find a full-time position. honestly, if i had really wanted one, i would’ve done my research during my last semester and not waited until summer kicked in. i wanted to find something part-time so that i could keep up my training regiment throughout the week and get myself out of the house (can you blame me?). so i turned my attention towards places that i have always enjoyed giving my business to. i began placing my polished resume into the hands of my future bosses—or so i thought. trader joes, carolina inn, duke hotel, fosters market, caribou coffee...these were the establishments which i thought would welcome me with open arms. i didn’t formally apply to all of them, but one experience in particular left me with a bitter taste in my mouth...the taste that jump-started my first real expectation hangover of my young adult life.

let me tell you the caribou story...once upon a time there was a girl who had always dreamed of becoming a barista. she wanted to be the person standing between an eager patron and their daily fix. most of all, she just wanted to whip up froth for the perfect latte. so being the enthused graduate that she was, the girl put on some pretty clothes and walked into a coffee shop to inquire about a job. she asked to speak with the manager personally but the lady behind the counter insisted that it would be easier to just go online and fill out an application there. fine. over fifty ridiculous multiple choice questions later and the girl is dumbfounded why any employer would prefer this method of hiring over meeting with someone in person.
after several days of anticipation, the girl decides to visit the coffee shop and check on the status of her application. what initiative this would display, thought she, and this for only a part-time job in the service industry! surely she would shine above all other applicants. but the manager was busy, said the lady behind the counter, adding that the girl will be notified if they have a place for her. sadly, the girl does not hear back from caribou. her self-esteem takes a hit and she begins to resent the coffee chain for their hiring practices (and their lack of realizing what a catch she is and how lucky they should be to get a chance to hire her). to this day she still does not know why she never got a call back, though she is back to drinking their coffee because they offer free refills and internet access.

as i reflect on my caribou coffee experience, i can’t help but wish i were more like jay leno. okay, let me catch you up to speed. the other day i came across a newspaper article featuring jay leno. he talked about what it felt like to be rejected in the job world during his younger years. the memorable part of the article was when he recalled a time when he passed by an auto dealership and, thinking that he’d like to work there, inquired about a job. the boss, however, said there were no job openings at the time and turned him away. leno then walked over to the rear of the dealership and simply said to an employee, “i’m the new guy”. he was put to work, and after a few days of washing cars, the boss came around and asked what he was doing there. “he’s a hard worker,” said an employee. “i just decided to work here until you hired me,” added leno. he was hired on the spot.

i love this story. i wish i could be so daring and not always take no for an answer. What would have happened if i had grabbed a washcloth and started cleaning coffee spills, or asked a customer if they would like a scone with their skim mocha latte? maybe i would have been banned from the establishment...or maybe my unruly (yet harmless) act could’ve landed me the gig.

the point of this story is that i did take no for an answer and i did feel wounded after not securing a position that i feel any college graduate could have. i expected to shake hands with the manager, blow him away with my charm and professionalism, and schedule a time for an interview. i expected my clean appearance and degree to speak for itself, leaving me with nothing to say besides "when can i start?". yet when that didn’t happen my hangover began...its symptoms lasting for weeks. as hassler points out in her book, “it is often easier to fall into an expectation hangover cycle than to let go and be okay with what happens in our lives.” now i realize that i wasted all that time feeling inadequate and sorry for myself. i could’ve went in to the coffee house a third time and not left until i saw the manager. or i could’ve been more forthright in my other job interests. looking back on all my job-seeking efforts makes me understand that merely expecting a positive outcome in life is not enough: i have to earn it. i have to grow a pair and get behind the counter...so to speak.

doctor's orders: to cure the common expectation hangover, re-asses what it is you are trying to achieve. don’t be discouraged when something doesn’t go exactly according to plan. instead, adapt to your new challenge, realizing that there is usually more than one road that leads to a destination. i will be a barista some day...for a company that has the sense to evaluate me in person. in the meantime, i’ll just continue making cups of joe in-house.

part I: hello quarterlife crisis

“this is going to be the most confusing year of your life,” said one of my friends at the beginning of this summer. boy was she right. it’s as if i have been riding on a train that has suddenly come to a halt after twenty-one years of motion. maybe the tracks just abruptly ended. maybe a fellow passenger pulled the emergency breaks. or maybe the conductor, after guiding me for over two decades, has decided that my free ride is over. did my ticket expire? whichever the case, i have officially been booted off the train (figuratively speaking of course) and left with the task of laying my own tracks.

these past four months i have felt like nothing is really wrong, but nothing really feels right either. my parents are truly wonderful, but i can’t function as a wholly independent being while under their roof. the town in which i live in is exactly the kind of place i can see myself raising a family in, yet that’s certainly not on my list of priorities right now. to tell you the truth, it frightens me a little to have fallen in love with this town because it encompasses too much of what i want my adult life to have. in other words, it’s almost as if my environment is prematurely making me into the person i want to be in my late twenties or thirties. this is what frightens me and motivates me to move somewhere else. of course, leaving this college town for another will have its downsides as well as upsides, as is the case with most all decisions in life. but i can see that i am getting a little sidetracked here...let me return back to the point i was making about how my post-graduate life has been a period of continual confusion and apprehension (fun stuff, huh?).

christine hassler, author of “20 something, 20 everything”, introduced me to the term “quarterlife crisis”. what an ingenious way to describe it. according to the book, this phrase has been around since the early nineties but has recently caught on as more and more twenty-somethings share their experiences. hassler writes that quarter-lifers feel the pressure to make their twenty-something years the time when everything needs to be decided. i couldn’t agree more with this sentiment. since graduating college i have felt overwhelmed by how diverse my interests are. hotel management, starting a cooking class for kids, being a sports publicist, working for a large design company, being a swimsuit designer...the list goes on and on. i don’t want to be a “jack of all trades, master of none,” but i also want to lead a stimulating, multi-dimensional life. how can my life have direction if i’m constantly considering all directions? the following is an excerpt from her book that i think sums everything up:

“our twenties are a turning point in our lives where we feel pressure to do, well, everything. As the security blankets of college and parents are peeled away, we are faced with finding jobs, building careers, perhaps moving to new cities, separating from our old support systems, taking care of our own finances, dating, marriage, thinking about children, starting families, making our first large investments, creating new social lives, watching our parents grow, and shaping an identity to last the rest of adulthood.”

okay, i’m thinking the same thing you are: that is a shitload of responsibility. i don’t remember being braced for these pressures the same way i was braced in high school for what to expect from my college years. is there some kind of pact among parents and educators that i’m not aware of? well, i really can’t complain too much, because what you learn from your own mistakes and experiences is the most valuable kind. your parents can tell you a thousand times to be careful with knives, but until you slice your own finger you don’t fully grasp the reality of the situation.

once we realize that we don’t have to put all this pressure on ourselves to accomplish everything we want to accomplish in our twenties we can begin to gain some much needed perspective (and peace of mind). think of all the stories you read about people well into their forties and fifties who change their careers, start their own businesses, or simply embark on adventures that they’ve always yearned to do. these should remind us that we are continually growing and learning with age and yes, there is life after 30! we belong to a generation that grew up being told, “you can be anything you want to be.” surely there is no hidden asterisk stating that the window of opportunity only applies to your twenties.

if you take anything away from this post, i hope it is a sense of relief after acknowledging that you are not alone in your quest to be superwoman (or superman). we twenty-somethings share a unique set of questions, expectations, and pressures that don’t need to consume our everyday thoughts. i think we get caught up in thinking so much about the future and forget to live in the present. remember fretting over homework in middle school, finals and presentations in high school, and mid-terms in college? remember thinking that the major and minor you chose actually had the power to define who you were and what you were going to be? was all that worrying really worth it? definitely not. life is fluid, and we’d all be a bit happier if we worried less and adopted the mantra that everything will work itself out. if you have a strong support network and a positive sense of self, i see no reason why you shouldn’t be putting more faith in your capabilities. easier said than done, but we can all work on it. so put your mind at rest: you can have it all, but you don’t have to have it all now. besides, last time i checked, i don’t think there were any superhero positions available at this time (blame it on the economy).

the anniversary

today marks my four month anniversary of becoming a boomeranger. Exactly four months ago i awoke in my parent’s house a fresh, wide-eyed graduate. Being in a nurturing environment with family was comforting; however, i would be lying if i said that those first few weeks weren’t tough for me to stomach. Hot dogs at the ball park and swimming beneath a cloudless canvas only temporarily distracted me from the pain i felt after saying goodbye to good friends and the boy i had gotten to know closely back at school.

in these past four months i have become jaded by the reality of post-textbook life. i held a different perspective back then than i do now. earning a degree from a high caliber, private university gave me confidence and self-entitlement. I really did believe that i could get any entry level position that i desired. and not only that, but i genuinely thought that employers would be lucky to have me and jump at the occasion to snatch me up. oh, how reality bites...i was rejected from caribou coffee. yes, a coffee shop. tut the thing that stung the most was not that i didn’t get a job i went after but how i didn’t get that job. more on that later...

living at home for me can be characterized as an ebb and flow of ups and downs. you may be thinking, “umm yah, that’s how life is in general,” but the difference for me is that my high points and low points came more frequently than any other time in my life. never before had i been in a positive, driven mood one minute then switch to a negative, defeated mood the next. and it’s not merely mood swings that have characterized my post-graduate days, but swings in how i view my self-worth. feelings of low self-worth is the gateway to lower levels of self-esteem and motivation (note my psychology background here). what helped me understand the emotions i was going through was a book that is resting beside me this very moment. it is called, "20 something, 20 everything: a quarter-life women’s guide to balance and direction” by christine hassler. her writing has opened up my eyes to the reasons why i have felt somewhat disoriented since leaving college. i only wish i had been exposed to this book prior to graduating so that i would’ve felt more prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that was to ensue.

is there a point to all this jabbering?? why, yes there is. to commemorate my four-month boomeranger anniversary, my next three entries will be devoted to unmasking key insecurities that i have identified as a 22 year-old thus far. a good portion of my reflections will center upon points that the book i just mentioned brings to light. the reason i have decided to focus my next entries in this manner is because i am certain that what i have to say will resonate with other twenty-something men and woman. the best news? you don’t have to be a true boomeranger to benefit from my insight...so living with your parents is optional :)

coasting

usually i finish writing an entry and then come up with the title for it, but this time, the title has inspired the entry. i came across the word "coasting" this morning and it has stuck with me all day. i just feel like i am coasting in life right now, and not in a "life is running smoothly and according to plan" kind of way but a "life around me is moving but i am not" way. i have no idea where august went and we are already approaching the middle of september. i'm just floating-high on a cloud somewhere-watching the changing of the seasons pass by me. i feel like i should be back at school but i'm not...i'm the kid playing hooky but nobody has noticed that i'm gone. morning turns to night. things are predictable. i am becoming too comfortable here for my own good. it's time to leap from this cloud to somewhere else in the sky...and i must force myself to leave my parachute behind.

ahhhh

just had another mini episode. i wouldn't call it a breakdown because that's just took strong a word i think. you never can predict when these moments will occur...there i was, a 45-minute younger version of myself, thinking that my parents and i would go get a bite to eat and then hit up borders for some causal reading. then 30 minutes go by...and another ten...and the whole time i am waiting, and waiting.to pass the time i start watching television on the second level. then my dad begins yelling from the bottom level about some fascinating show he is watching. "this is amazing! you gotta see this! you won't believe..." he continues. i know what he is watching: either how it's made or unwrapped. i continue to ignore him but he keeps on yelling every few minutes. it's really starting to drive me crazy at this point and on top of that i am growing increasingly hungry. since i've adopted a "eat when you're hungry" philosophy, i decide that i can't wait any longer for my parents to get their asses in gear. f*** it. bowl of special k cereal for dinner. then my mom comes downstairs like not a minute has gone by and, oh yes, my dad yells up at us. then i'm mouthing off to them- which i feel bad about as soon as the words leave my mouth-but i can't help it. i'm having a "i gotta get out of here!" moment.

imagine that

my mom is currently sleeping face-down in the middle of her bed-clothes on and everything. poor thing had to be at work from eight in the morning until eight at night. i couldn't help but laugh when i peered into the bedroom and saw what looked like the aftermath of a long night of drinking and partying. i did a little drinking and partying myself last night-something i normally wouldn't bring up, however, i think sharing what i did last night with what i did tonight would make for an interesting comparison.

so saturday night my friend and i met up at my brother's place for a little pre-drinking (and wii mario cart racing). this friend of mine is actually more than just a friend...she is my beach volleyball partner, which means we both work and play together (although in our case i guess work and play are the same thing?). anyways, we went to this really chill bar in downtown raleigh which featured a dj, pool table, and most importantly, beer pong. we basically claimed a corner of the bar and continued to dominate our opponents the whole night. i met a group of guys who were out celebrating their friend's bachelor party. sadly, the bachelor was the cutest of the lot. go figure. we then stopped at a quieter bar to order a round of premium guinness draft beer. probably a waste of money in hindsight because at that point we were pretty hungry and everyone had stopped serving food. you know what that means-drive-thru! i practically inhaled my mcdonald's fries. then we were home and that was that. nothing crazy, just a good night.

now what would you say if i asked you to predict what i did tonight knowing that that last paragraph is a disruption in my regular routine? you would probably predict a nice, quiet evening at home? perhaps a sit-down dinner? with channel surfing for dessert? yes, yes, and yes. the moment i got a voicemail from my mom telling me that the crab at the market was on sale i knew there was a feast to be had. suddenly, any alternate plans for the evening would quite simply have to be dumped. to be completely honest, i had the opportunity to socialize with friends or go on a movie date with a physical specimen, both of which i passed up. alright, i know what you must be thinking...but it wasn't just the lure of crab meat that kept me home, it was the incredible sunday night t.v. line-up that awaited me: planet earth, shark tank, and mad men. wait, did i just make myself sound more pathetic?! whatever. there we were: mom, dad, brother, and sister all around the dinner table talking and eating crab. well, we ate most of the crab while my dad was just crabby. he doesn't agree with the whole "work for your food" approach to dining, something my mother and brother embrace with enthusiasm. so after much complaining about how he was getting no return on his investment with the crab, my dad puttered around the kitchen looking for alternate foods before finally settling on a jar of mixed nuts. after dinner i retired to the lower-level for some much anticipated television viewing.

did the same person just have these nights back-to-back? yes she did. one luxury of living at home is that i can have these kind of nights in the same weekend if i want to. "truly incredible", they'll say, "she's a beer pong champion one evening and a family girl the next". wait, i'm no superhero...i'm just a boomeranger, wondering what seafood could be on sale this week...

what's that you said?

hmm...i definitely have the urge to write something but i can't settle on any one talking point in particular. my dad is currently on his first official date with the college football season downstairs while my mom and i lounge on the second level. perhaps this is a good time for a lesson in boomeranger lingo as it relates to my life specifically...

today was a good day at the office. now when i say "office", you should know by now that i am not referring to anything relating to the traditional sense of what the word office actually represents. this means no cubicles, no desktops, and absolutely no artificial lighting. my office is anywhere that a sand volleyball court exists. this is my office because this is the setting in which i learn, harbor, and execute my skills, all in the hope of bettering myself and those around me (my associates if you will). we all mosey on into the office when we please because the only "boss" that exists in our world are the intangibles: heart and drive for the sport. sure, some of us may put more pressure on ourselves to succeed in certain tournaments for monetary reasons, but we don't come into work everyday on that alone. needless to say, if you are concerned solely about money, this is not the business for you. no resumes required to compete here :)

not only do we hope that people show up to the office ready to work hard, but also wear the appropriate attire. this requires the accumulation of a plethora of "business suits". if you are picturing a coat and tie while reading this, you really need to get with the program. in our world, the only business suit acceptable comes in a two-piece, and preferably one in style. for the men, simple swim trunks will do, but bonus points are given out for creativity. i've come across some hideous outfits over the months, but the important thing to remember is not to underestimate the fashion senseless-actual skill could be lurking beneath an army-patterned bandanna-wearing individual.

so just because we don't carry briefcases, don't use post-its, and don't huddle around the water cooler doesn't mean that we lack an "office" culture. there is much protocol and faux-paus that surrounds a typical day at the office, but that discussion is for another time.

stay tuned for more lessons in boomeranger lingo...