i still want my snow day

the mere mentioning of the possibility of a snowflake falling from the sky puts north carolinians in a frenzy. they can be found filling their carts at the grocery store or joining a long line of cars at the gas station. you'd think the state was preparing for lock-down. i make these observations in a comical yet endearing way, for even though i spent my four college years in a snow globe, i too can be intimidated by the stuff.

yet last night i wasn't. last night i gingerly wiped the thick layer of soft snow off my car, all the while serenading myself with sinatra's sweet words (how lucky can one guy be...i kissed her and she kissed me...). i've noticed that since returning from the harsh climate that is upstate new york, snow has become more of a friend to me than an enemy. now that i don't have to drudge through it on my way to class--the windchill turning my hands and face numb--i can appreciate it for the truly romantic, tranquil element that it is--at least, that it is here in the south. let's not get carried away and say that snow always falls in inches rather than feet. truth is, i like to experience snow like i experience the display case at a bakery: from the other side of the glass. which is why when i woke up this morning i was a little stunned to see a landscape of wintry white fill my window, followed by a rush of warmth and comfort once it registered that i was on the safe side.

so what did my mom, dad, brother and i do today? we declared it a snow day of course! from morning up until this very moment we have just been vegging out in our sweats...watching t.v. shows, brewing coffee, and driving eachother nuts most of the time. we also did the productive and crafty things that we all complain we don't have the time to do, like install a much needed dimmer light-switch in the dining room (thanks dad).

honestly, i've always yearned for a true snow day. being born and raised in california clearly inhibited this opportunity, which is why i thought attending college in new york would finally give me that chance. nope. closest i got was valentines day of 2007-a day that my classmates and i will probably talk about at reunions for years to come. over two feet of snow and still classes were not canceled. i was robbed.

my senior year, still clinging to my dream, i circled a day on my calendar and declared it "snow day". the plan was to skip all my classes and pretend that i couldn't even go outside because the weather conditions were so unbearable. ever see that one friends episode where new york city has a blackout, forcing the gang to entertain themselves all night in
the apartment by candlelight? that's the kind of scenario i imagined playing out in my head, but after failed attempts to rope my friends and roommates into this genius plan of mine, i backed out. looking back though, i should've made a stand. even though today was a fun experience-acting like we were all on house arrest-it isn't really a snow day unless you are free of all commitments. oh well. i'll have my snow day one day, you just wait and see.

it's you, not me.

i clocked-out for the last time at work today. DONE. FINISHED. t-2 hours was a particularly ancy period for me...ringing in bogus orders and inviting my managers to just fire me on the spot (both for effect and also so that i could leave early). my co-workers made me a "going away card" in about five seconds...the contents of which include both english and spanish sentiments, naturally. i probably should've extended a couple goodbye's but i was just too damn excited to walk out of there. as is the case with every "break-up", you go away learning something valuable-at least that is what i believe. so let me share some of the valuable lessons that working at this job has taught me over the past two and a half odd months:

sometimes the extra $8 or $16 dollars i would've made staying at work is well worth the trade-off of doing anything other than working.

there is a difference between having a career and having a job. i think it really is a mindset. if your work begins when you clock-in and ends when you clock-out, it’s a job. if your work follows you well after you are off the clock--consuming your thoughts and providing you with a sense of self-worth and accomplishment-- then, my friend, you have a career.

i learned that...

i am not the first person to ever quit a job. i was so wrapped up in disappointing and upsetting my employers when i first considered terminating my job. luckily, my family gave me the perspective i needed to start putting my needs and aspirations first.

and i learned that it's not all shits and giggles when your employment status improves...


thank you for the many things you have taught me, job...please know i am being sincere when i say that. but goodbye, job... i am already so over you.

miss independent

"i invite you to look at independence as a way of being, rather than as an overwhelming or isolating notion. it is the freedom to be interdependent while independently choosing what we want and who we want to be.”

this quote by christine hassler (author of 20 something, 20 everything: a quarter-life woman's guide to balance and direction) resonated with me over the weekend. her book has been hibernating on my nightstand up until yesterday, when i decided to begin reading it again as i sat at starbucks between my afternoon and evening training shifts (which is where i learned that starbucks and caribou coffee are now offering fresh oatmeal. who is copying whom is yet to be determined).

i think that i can say with confidence that the point at which young adults head off to college marks the beginning of a confusing search for the meaning of independence. i believe that graduating from college only intensifies this internal struggle to find out what makes us independent verses dependent. the common ingredient in this mix? our parents. we can't help but play the comparison game...watching some friends as they move away to different cities while others stay put in their hometown or smack-dab in their parent's living room. so then who is more independent: my friend who has a job at his father's company, lives at home, and is leaving the country a second time to carry on his passion for playing and coaching football? or is it my other friend who has been living separate from her parents since college and set to be married in less than three months? who, i ask, is more independent: my friend who is getting her mba while living at home or my friend who lives, works, and goes to school a few hours from home while mommy and daddy pay the rent?

i can't help but wonder how i measure up when there are so many different situations being played out among my friends and acquaintances. if you, like me, can get down on yourself sometimes because you drink out of the same milk carton as your parents do, then let these words sink in: merely breaking away from our parents does not secure our independence (thank you, miss christine). just remind yourself of that kid in your college dorm who had to talk with their mom everyday in order to feel secure and safe and you'll get what i mean. or maybe you have a friend now who boasts of his/her grand job and plush lifestyle yet who couldn't explain their credit card statements to you to save their life.

i'm beginning to learn that independence is a journey, not a validation ticket you receive when you walk out your parent's door and take your pillow with you. it requires having the confidence and know-how to go out into the world and do things on your own, but also the humility (and often a bit of courage) to know when it is time to ask for help.

just something to think about...i know i am...possibly while listening to this
http://www.metrolyrics.com/miss-independent-lyrics-neyo.html
as i deposit my barely-there paycheck tomorrow and decide what i should do with it

nine

that's all i had left:
nine.

nine days until my
month-long abstinence
from chocolate
and sweets
was over.

in case you can't tell from the photo, that is an empty bag of
chocolate chips sitting on my bed (the place where the act took place).
enough said.

narrow-minded and looking for the living room

could NOT have wanted to leave work faster than i did this afternoon...the incessant sexual banter was really getting to me today. does the humor of my co-workers really not surpass that of a horny fifteen year-old? don't get me wrong, i've said more than enough of "that's what she said" in my day, but my wit isn't limited to making plain english sound like the dialogue between a couple porno stars. unfortunately, i have to listen to dumb-ass comments day in and day out at my job. almost anything that comes out of my (0r anyone else's) mouth can be construed into something sexual and perverted, making it difficult to even speak. i don't have the desire to get into a discussion of gender in the workplace, but this narrow, relentless sense of humor leaves us females with two options: smile at the joke and let out a chuckle or ignore it and be told to loosen up (more accurately, to "tranquila"). how bout i smack you in the face instead?

thankfully, i only have three more days left until i am officially an ex-employee. it's funny because my temperament since i gave my two-weeks-notice ebbs and flows between being overly happy knowing that the end is near and being overly miserable by the fact that i still have to go through the motions. wish i could just make up my mind.let's leave work and go home for a second because i have an important question to ask: if the living room has a television in it, does that room become the television room? confused? yah, me too. the current on-going debate between my parents right now is whether the living room, which holds our large, hd television, is in fact the television room. an argument inevitably erupts when my dad is watching t.v. and my mom either wants him to lower the volume or turn it off completely. dad seems to think that she should leave because it is the television room. mom seems to think that she should take precedence because the room is, after all, the living room. do we need to seek out an architect or interior designer for the answer? and if we can agree on which segment of the house is the living room, then where the hell is the family room??

and then...banana happened

let's rewind to 5:45 a.m. yesterday morning. somewhere between making the baker a mocha and reluctantly putting on my hat, one of my co-workers breaks the news: our boss has handed in her two weeks notice.

talk about being beaten to the punch.

i didn't know whether i should be feeling more or less guilty for my intent to do the exact same thing once my shift ended. just another perfect example of how "timing is everything" (happens to be a favorite quote of mine). so as it turns out, the conversation i was dreading to have with my boss for nearly a week now turned out to be an enjoyable, upbeat experience. to celebrate my official 'two weeks notice' status i decided to go clothes shopping for my new position. i'm twenty-two years old and i do not own a single black collared shirt nor a pair of dressy black pants (i've always felt more akin to white anyways). so like a good-intentioned girl, i headed straight to t.j. maxx with a plan to buy some outfits that wouldn't break the bank. i searched through the endless racks for black this and black that yet, fourteen items later, i come up with nothing. this is just frustrating, i'm thinking, because i go out and do the sensible and "right" thing by shopping discount prices and not a thing in the store fits right. plus, the selection was piss-poor. i decide to take it up a notch by trying my luck at the mall. and then...banana happened.

i walked through the entrance to banana republic with the mindset that i would only be looking at clothes that were on sale...well, they place the sale items in the rear for a reason. i started grabbing shirts and pants that were pricey, all the time convincing myself that i was just trying them on for sizing purposes or to purchase later on when i had made some more money. yahhh...

i'm sorry, but i just felt TOO DAMN GOOD seeing myself in the mirror with a black button-up, black skirt, and a tie to tie it all together. i don't think i've ever felt that sophisticated in my entire life. being in that get-up filled me with energy...vivacity...confidence...(sexiness)...feelings foreign to me at my catering job. "damn", i thought to myself, "this is what i have been missing!" i purchased the look. so yes, banana happened. and i have a very good feeling that banana will happen again (and again). it's like the lady who assisted me said, "honey, with the tips you'll make wearing that...that skirt will pay for itself in no time."

amen.

first she had none, then she had two

two nights ago, i told you about the fight i had with my mom over financial crap (the details of which i can get into on a later date). we've only crossed paths once since then and not a word was exchanged. ahhh...the silent treatment in its truest form; although its questionable whether we are in this together or if it's just me who is the one offering the cold shoulder. needless to say, i was a little confused when i came home yesterday evening to see my towels neatly folded in the bathroom, my clothes tucked away inside my closet, and a perfectly-made bed. am i supposed to take this as a peace-offering or--??

amidst the current conflict on the home-front, there is some exciting news i just have to share with you:

"goodbye hat, hello tie."

translation: i got a new job! that's right...in the short time between last tuesday and this tuesday i applied for, interviewed, and nabbed a waitressing job at my favorite restaurant in chapel hill. i must admit that my strength/weakness responses were flawless, and i felt confident during the entire interview (which, by the way, was performed by two interviewers...the only time i will ever enjoy being double-teamed). i tell ya, when you know that there is something you truly want and are ready for out there, a
miraculous thing happens: you go get it.
i had been feeling dissatisfied with my current job situation for weeks, but the breaking point occurred last monday as i was talking to a co-worker. tired of always complaining and doing nothing about it, i put on my best business attire, waltzed on up to my dream restaurant, and filled out an application. boy, did my conviction pay off. now i get to shop for a whole new work wardrobe this weekend...
hence the reason why i am ditching the dingy hat (and khakis...and apron) and embracing the tie with open arms (until it comes time to actually tie it, of course).
now that YOU all know about my new job, it's time to fill in my current employer...
not.looking.forward.to.it. does hallmark make a, "it's been real but i'm quitting and i'll be back to pick up my check in a week" card? someone should get on that.

question:

what does a parent 'owe' to it's child?

is it love? is it food, protection, and shelter? or perhaps the best health care plan or the ability to play for an elite club sport team?

this is the question i do not know the answer to, and this is the question that has left me alone in my room. door locked. fighting back tears of frustration and confusion. i am very flustered at the moment because i have so much to say but no way to guide my thoughts...how can i best express the touchy and always-changing interchange that occurs between boomeranger and parent when it comes to the subject of...(can you guess it?) MONEY. what started as an enjoyable evening watching the newest episode of house turned into harsh words and wounded parties. i am constantly feeling like i have to pick my battles with my providers. for instance, do i ask for a small handout to cover gas expenses or for money to cover a meal instead? i'm always trying to calculate which request will yield the best outcome, not to mention, whether it should be mom or dad that i ask.

what is really at the crux of this issue is: when do the parents stop supporting the children? and how do we define "support"?

because i am too emotional and tired to get into this any further right now, i will have to postpone my ranting until tomorrow perhaps. i've been avoiding the topic of finances for too long now and it is time i address it on this blog.

goodnight.

shot-out

this one goes out to a friend of mine, a college roommate actually (do i have to start saying "old college roommate" now that i'm out of school?). she has been a boomeranger like me ever since we departed ways in may...living with her parents in new jersey. come to think of it, we have even more in common considering that both our families just built new houses and rang in the new year under completely new roofs. it's always comforting to have someone to talk to who understands what you are going through in life.

anyhow, the reason why i am dedicating this post to her is because, come tuesday morning, she will be attending her first day of work at her brand new job in the city. after extensive job searching and nearly eighty online applications to boot, she has landed "the job of her dreams". way to go mouse. i'm eager to receive the jubilant (and not so jubilant) work-related phone calls from her in the future, because half the fun of having a job is bitching about it to your friends. am i right?

perhaps the most notable impact that this job will have on my friend is its "boomerangability". no, not "drinkablility"...i made up an entirely new word. "boomerangability" shall be defined as: the degree to which an event alters the lifestyle of an individual boomeranger or group of boomerangers. her new job ranks extremely high on the boomerangability scale for not only will she be actually making money now but she is also well on her way to leaving her parent's house for a place she can call home in the city. many details remain to be figured out for this young one and her mom and dad, but the fate of that umbilical cord is one giant step closer to being severed. sorry for the visual.

damn you, plastic cups

i didn’t want to be here again. i thought i had settled my anxiety and confusion back in november, but now i find myself gasping for a way out. today, i was that employee who calls a neighboring business (while on my lunch break mind you) inquiring for a position. i was that employee who curses at her boss (silently, of course) while he hands her a receipt revealing a mistake she had made. come to think of it, i’ve been cursing to myself a lot lately. i curse at the coffee makers. i curse at the smell that the kitchen leaves on my clothes. i curse at the dishware that has become so revolting to me. about the only thing i don’t curse at are the pastries, cause what sort of person could carry a grudge against pastries? well, maybe i speak too soon...maybe next week i will start giving the evil eye to a chocolate croissant or two. i didn’t want to be here.

apparently—much to my disappointment—i am not one of a kind. what i mean to say is that according to a recent survey, only 45 percent of americans are satisfied with their work. that is the lowest level recorded by the research group who has been studying this issue for more than 22 years. yikes.

(you can find the entire article here: http://www.newsobserver.com/business/story/268355.html)

i think the article hits the nail on the head with the comment that, “workers who find their jobs interesting are more likely to be innovative, to take calculative risks and to use initiative to drive productivity and contribute to economic growth.” i can attest to this statement for i have seen my own level of satisfaction with my job plummet as my interest level and outlet for creativity have become, shall we say, near to the ground? and get this: workers under 25 expressed the highest level of dissatisfaction among any other age group. yep...definitely not one of a kind.

twentyten

so first of all, i'd like to wish anybody who is still reading my blog a happy new year. thanks for sticking with me. my first three days of 2010 were so uncharacteristic of how i normally live my life. i partied pretty hard on both new years and the first saturday with an 8-hr shift and what felt like no recovery time in between. i learned that if drinking and little sleep can give you a cold, more drinking and even less sleep can take it away just as fast. let's just say that sometimes the way to beat a cold is to ignore it with distractions like shots, private booths, glow sticks, hot dogs at 2 a.m., and, of course, friends.

good times.

but i'm back to my old self, don't you worry...eating solid foods, stressing about my job, and contemplating whether i should feel guilty or not over the fact that my mom emptied my trash for the second time since we've been here.

now i'm not going to claim that i have ever made strong new years resolutions or even really fancied the whole idea in the past, but for some reason i had an itch to dedicate myself to a few (okay, more like ten) self-improvements. amid my frenzy to create "a better me," i came up with ideas such as mastering the amazing machine known as the crock-pot, being less of a bitch to my family members on the phone, and abstaining from mindless chocolate-chip consumption. being a lover of anything related to lists (making lists, crossing things off my list, making my lists pretty...), i was excited at the thought of banging out a traditional new years resolution list. then i read in realsimple magazine that seven is the maximum number of tasks that should be on a daily-to-do list to avoid mental overflow. okay, so new years resolutions don't exactly fall under the category of daily-to-do lists, but it got me thinking about mental overflow and i decided to throw out the whole idea (i'll probably find out tomorrow that studies show writing down your resolutions increases the likelihood that you will actually adhere to them).

anyhow, below is my new years resolutions "list", a.k.a, goals that flutter in and out of my head like a coma patient in and out of consciousness (maybe a good resolution would be coming up with better metaphors).

in 2010, i will:

make time to actively educate myself (watching the news, continuing to read the paper, expanding my knowledge of topics that interest me). learn from my dad through working on creative projects together (designing and constructing furniture, gardening). living more in the present and not in the past or future.

how's that for self-improvement!? i feel like a better person already... i should really reward myself with some chocolate chi-NO!

i got nothing

suddenly not in the mood to write at all. i hate when i get like this...maybe i should suck it up and see what happens? maybe not being "in the mood to write" is actually the perfect moment to do just that because a different side of me is being expressed? or maybe i'll just call it a night because i get to go to work before the sun goes to work for the next five days.