i’ve had my fair share of "i can't live like this" moments. a white cube with a refrigerator-sized cut out for storage space isn't exactly "in style" now. neither is a mound of clothes chillin' in the corner, unless that's what's featured in this months edition of graduated and broke (does this publication exist? if so, are they currently taking applications!?).
but then again, is it really "i can't live like this" or "i don't want to live like this"? because i am, in fact, living like this. and the truth of the matter is that it is by choice. nobody forced me to move across the country and bunk with three friends. i guess part of being on your own is figuring out what things are important to you and what things you feel you can live without. i'm figuring out that having a shelf someday is important to me. and maybe a drawer that isn't made of plastic.
to avoid making this entry read like one long, sad complaint, i'm going to view my situation as the case study by which other twenty-somethings undulating between moments of desperation and frustration can learn from and relate to. how admirable of me...
have you asked yourself these questions: how do i want to live? how am i supposed to live? and i am referring to your physical surroundings, which obviously impact your psychological and emotional well-being. most of you reading this blog have--by whatever reason--left the nest with the hardwood floors, the wicker basket full of catalogs, and the cabinet doors that shut oh so quietly. whether you work a nine to five job and can afford a nicer place or work in the service industry like myself, we all cannot match what our parents have...what we have left behind in search of "independence" and all that crap. maybe you even try to mimic the material things that you are used to. if the answer is "yes", don't be ashamed. the comfort that material possessions can provide is no major breakthrough, and as long as it is done within your financial means, i see no major problem with it.
my point is that i believe all us twenty-somethings try to fill in the gaps made by our change in environment and lifestyle. for instance, my brother, twenty-six, just moved out (for the third time) in the last month and was already feeling less than enthused after just a few nights in the new pad. he has an apartment all to himself, but without the whistles and bells. he immediately felt that he needed more "stuff" to fill the place, and after decorating the walls with art and memorabilia, he began to feel a lot better about his situation. one of the ways in which i fill the gaps is through the food that i buy. when the sliding doors at whole foods open up for me, i'm overcome with a sense of comfort, joy, and a little entitlement. nobody knows that i don't have a mattress when i'm sifting through avocados right beside them.
granted i can only afford to fill up half my shopping basket (my purse conveniently taking up the other half), that's enough for now. my wine glass may be stolen from the beverly wilshire hotel, but if i can enjoy a glass of cab and a wedge of cheese from "whole paycheck", i'm doing alright.
tell us, how do YOU fill in the gaps?
If by filling the gaps you mean what makes you keep going in times of struggle, for me it is being with people that I love; family, friends, boyfriend. I know that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how much I have as long as I have these people in my life.
ReplyDeletediddo. except i am still in the nest for another 2 weeks, yet i still have the same issues - clothes in plastic drawers, heaps of clothing on the floor that won't fit in those drawers and a shit ton of important belongings in the attic, which is hot as hell. although i still enjoy nest luxuries such as magazines, free internet and walking the dogs, i too find peace and happiness in the grocery store - i feel like i can really take control of my life by choosing the best granola and cereal to eat the coming week, it's like therapy.
ReplyDeletelove your post! don't worry, one day you will be able to fill your basket and maybe even a whole shopping cart too! :) than you'll know you've made it.
How do i fill the gap? Moving out of the nation and across the world to Asialand :) and again moving back stateside to the opposite coast of "home".... so yes i feel you on the changing environments to fill the gap theory. Also, my spinning instructor likes to say that working out hard (esp for non-athletes like myself) is the best part of the week that you can control and know is directly beneficial.
ReplyDeletelove the comments so far, especially how you guys are interpreting what is meant by "filling in the gaps".
ReplyDeleteanonymous- i like how you call it "nest luxuries" when referring to the perks that are associated with living at home...whether those perks be tangible or intangible. and p.s. i have found the best granola...
boomeranger--like you I have often thought about how we fill our lives with stuff. It fascinates me how in filling our physical spaces with stuff, we somehow feel like we're finding something we can hold onto. As much as I feel that this is a natural instinct, I think that all of that stuff really just makes the "gaps" in our lives wider because they have no true worth. As one of my starbucks costumers said one day when he had lost some money one day, "It just goes to the grave with you anyways." SO true! So for me, I have filled the gaps with my relationships with God and the people around me. I am seeking to learn more and more daily about love and what it means to live your life by and for it. So at the end of the day I may not have much physical stuff to hold onto, but what I do have doesn't fail.
ReplyDeleteLoved the entry. You have evrything spot on. As we grow up we learn want we want and what we don't want.. Exactly what you said about the living situation. Having a real drawers is important to you. I have learned over this last year that I really love being a hostess and need a place that's bog enough to host ppl- that's something I like to do and makes me happy. I have realized I need nature in my life wherever I am living. I moved to Denver and lived on the 12 floor of a building and after a month hated it and needed to go back down to ground. If I didn't try this and make myself miserable I might have not realized I loved nature and simple beauty so much. I can comment on your blog about all of this later on in the weekend. I am in Oregon right now so it is a little hard. But I thought your blog wad very insightful and wise. This is a hard time for us 20 something year old. It's like really really getting out for the first time- going out on your own w no real direction just your gut. Your entry was not only well written but you understand what's going on w your emotions you're really connecting w them and that's awesome. Being able to do that I think helps the growing up process go a little more smoothly. Instead of being miserable w our situations w are learning what we want in the long run. I'm very impressed
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