miss independent

"i invite you to look at independence as a way of being, rather than as an overwhelming or isolating notion. it is the freedom to be interdependent while independently choosing what we want and who we want to be.”

this quote by christine hassler (author of 20 something, 20 everything: a quarter-life woman's guide to balance and direction) resonated with me over the weekend. her book has been hibernating on my nightstand up until yesterday, when i decided to begin reading it again as i sat at starbucks between my afternoon and evening training shifts (which is where i learned that starbucks and caribou coffee are now offering fresh oatmeal. who is copying whom is yet to be determined).

i think that i can say with confidence that the point at which young adults head off to college marks the beginning of a confusing search for the meaning of independence. i believe that graduating from college only intensifies this internal struggle to find out what makes us independent verses dependent. the common ingredient in this mix? our parents. we can't help but play the comparison game...watching some friends as they move away to different cities while others stay put in their hometown or smack-dab in their parent's living room. so then who is more independent: my friend who has a job at his father's company, lives at home, and is leaving the country a second time to carry on his passion for playing and coaching football? or is it my other friend who has been living separate from her parents since college and set to be married in less than three months? who, i ask, is more independent: my friend who is getting her mba while living at home or my friend who lives, works, and goes to school a few hours from home while mommy and daddy pay the rent?

i can't help but wonder how i measure up when there are so many different situations being played out among my friends and acquaintances. if you, like me, can get down on yourself sometimes because you drink out of the same milk carton as your parents do, then let these words sink in: merely breaking away from our parents does not secure our independence (thank you, miss christine). just remind yourself of that kid in your college dorm who had to talk with their mom everyday in order to feel secure and safe and you'll get what i mean. or maybe you have a friend now who boasts of his/her grand job and plush lifestyle yet who couldn't explain their credit card statements to you to save their life.

i'm beginning to learn that independence is a journey, not a validation ticket you receive when you walk out your parent's door and take your pillow with you. it requires having the confidence and know-how to go out into the world and do things on your own, but also the humility (and often a bit of courage) to know when it is time to ask for help.

just something to think about...i know i am...possibly while listening to this
http://www.metrolyrics.com/miss-independent-lyrics-neyo.html
as i deposit my barely-there paycheck tomorrow and decide what i should do with it