FLORIDA: the realization

okay, i did it. i paid my own way to the sunshine state and boarded the plane. i lived out of my suitcase and tried to be a good guest to the people who opened up their homes. i sat in the car as we drove three hours west along alligator alley. i dug my feet into the sand at pompano beach, deerfield beach, ft. lauderdale, and siesta key. i explored neighborhoods and local fare. i braved the wind on that cloudy, tournament day and did my best to hide my disappointment when that last match did not go quite the way we would’ve liked. basically, i gave the state of florida my undivided, hopeful attention for four long days. and this is what i realized:

i can’t live in florida.

it’s not because of the way the elderly population made me feel like somebody’s lost grandchild, or that the pale pink and green buildings made me feel a tad nauseous (although those things didn’t help). it was a feeling that came over me slowly but surely...something telling me that i would be happy as a visitor but not as a resident. yes, there is good beach volleyball talent, but it is segregated into small pockets throughout the state. i am in no mood to spend weeks and months edging myself into the right “posse” of women athletes. i’d much rather head straight to where the sport was born and continues to thrive: the sandy beaches of southern california.
the positive aspects of this region have outweighed the negative-and i am truly surprised by this outcome. you see, while my friends continued to nudge me towards the west coast, i was pulling back in favor of the east, where I had invested time and energy researching and making contacts. i was at the point where i was willing to start a whole new chapter of my life in florida. my reasoning was that i had already experienced california culture growing up, so why not immerse myself in something different? i think a part of me wanted to be a big fish in a small pond rather than a small fish in a big pond. and speaking completely honestly, i also think that i have been a little afraid to swim with the big fish. Okay, enough fishy metaphors...the point is that i let my fears get in the way of what was best for me. all this time i’ve been trying to convince myself that florida is the right choice when california was the right choice all along. certain characteristics of california suddenly came to light as i was experiencing florida. like the fact that due to california’s continual coastline, what takes place on the beach and what takes place in the surrounding community is interactive rather than disconnected. i feel a little crazy that only two weeks ago i was heavily invested in florida and now i am so NOT. i have effectively abandoned-ship from “operation move to florida” and embarked on “operation move to california”. i’m already telling my friends and acquaintances that, like biggie smalls, “i’m goin’ goin’, back back, to cali cali”... though not in those words exactly ;) some of them are probably thinking to themselves what an incredibly indecisive and impulsive young child i must be. but truth is, i’m just a child who has seen the light and who is fortunate enough to be able to follow it.

main lesson here: even if you feel like your mind is set against one choice, don’t write it off completely until you have given its alternative ample consideration. we tend to see what we want to see, which can lead us to blindly ignore what is favorable about something for the sake of focusing our energy on what we perceive as negative. when you release yourself from the exhausting task of pitting one option against another, the answers you’ve been fishin’ for suddenly come to light (there’s those damn fish again!). i feel like sometimes i am quick to make decisions because the act of making a decision-big or small-is self-empowering and rewarding in itself. in our rush to be decisive lurks the unattractive risk of making the wrong choice. open your eyes and see the light my friends. easier said than done, i know...especially if you’ve ever seen the menu at cheesecake factory.