part II: expectation hangover

forget tequila. forget vodka, wine, and (dare i say it) long island iced teas. suffering from an “expectation hangover” is way worse than waking up and realizing that a moving train has taken up residence inside your head...repeatedly, and with no signs of slowing down. water, aspirin, and rest are all commonly used methods to relieve the pain, but the way to cure an expectation hangover is a bit more complicated.

hassler cleverly defines an expectation hangover as occurring when, “we hold a certain expectation but things do not turn out as we thought they should or would have liked, and we then feel awful”. i’d bet that we have all felt like this at least once, probably several times.

i came out of college knowing that i wasn’t in a hurry to find a full-time position. honestly, if i had really wanted one, i would’ve done my research during my last semester and not waited until summer kicked in. i wanted to find something part-time so that i could keep up my training regiment throughout the week and get myself out of the house (can you blame me?). so i turned my attention towards places that i have always enjoyed giving my business to. i began placing my polished resume into the hands of my future bosses—or so i thought. trader joes, carolina inn, duke hotel, fosters market, caribou coffee...these were the establishments which i thought would welcome me with open arms. i didn’t formally apply to all of them, but one experience in particular left me with a bitter taste in my mouth...the taste that jump-started my first real expectation hangover of my young adult life.

let me tell you the caribou story...once upon a time there was a girl who had always dreamed of becoming a barista. she wanted to be the person standing between an eager patron and their daily fix. most of all, she just wanted to whip up froth for the perfect latte. so being the enthused graduate that she was, the girl put on some pretty clothes and walked into a coffee shop to inquire about a job. she asked to speak with the manager personally but the lady behind the counter insisted that it would be easier to just go online and fill out an application there. fine. over fifty ridiculous multiple choice questions later and the girl is dumbfounded why any employer would prefer this method of hiring over meeting with someone in person.
after several days of anticipation, the girl decides to visit the coffee shop and check on the status of her application. what initiative this would display, thought she, and this for only a part-time job in the service industry! surely she would shine above all other applicants. but the manager was busy, said the lady behind the counter, adding that the girl will be notified if they have a place for her. sadly, the girl does not hear back from caribou. her self-esteem takes a hit and she begins to resent the coffee chain for their hiring practices (and their lack of realizing what a catch she is and how lucky they should be to get a chance to hire her). to this day she still does not know why she never got a call back, though she is back to drinking their coffee because they offer free refills and internet access.

as i reflect on my caribou coffee experience, i can’t help but wish i were more like jay leno. okay, let me catch you up to speed. the other day i came across a newspaper article featuring jay leno. he talked about what it felt like to be rejected in the job world during his younger years. the memorable part of the article was when he recalled a time when he passed by an auto dealership and, thinking that he’d like to work there, inquired about a job. the boss, however, said there were no job openings at the time and turned him away. leno then walked over to the rear of the dealership and simply said to an employee, “i’m the new guy”. he was put to work, and after a few days of washing cars, the boss came around and asked what he was doing there. “he’s a hard worker,” said an employee. “i just decided to work here until you hired me,” added leno. he was hired on the spot.

i love this story. i wish i could be so daring and not always take no for an answer. What would have happened if i had grabbed a washcloth and started cleaning coffee spills, or asked a customer if they would like a scone with their skim mocha latte? maybe i would have been banned from the establishment...or maybe my unruly (yet harmless) act could’ve landed me the gig.

the point of this story is that i did take no for an answer and i did feel wounded after not securing a position that i feel any college graduate could have. i expected to shake hands with the manager, blow him away with my charm and professionalism, and schedule a time for an interview. i expected my clean appearance and degree to speak for itself, leaving me with nothing to say besides "when can i start?". yet when that didn’t happen my hangover began...its symptoms lasting for weeks. as hassler points out in her book, “it is often easier to fall into an expectation hangover cycle than to let go and be okay with what happens in our lives.” now i realize that i wasted all that time feeling inadequate and sorry for myself. i could’ve went in to the coffee house a third time and not left until i saw the manager. or i could’ve been more forthright in my other job interests. looking back on all my job-seeking efforts makes me understand that merely expecting a positive outcome in life is not enough: i have to earn it. i have to grow a pair and get behind the counter...so to speak.

doctor's orders: to cure the common expectation hangover, re-asses what it is you are trying to achieve. don’t be discouraged when something doesn’t go exactly according to plan. instead, adapt to your new challenge, realizing that there is usually more than one road that leads to a destination. i will be a barista some day...for a company that has the sense to evaluate me in person. in the meantime, i’ll just continue making cups of joe in-house.