the only thing we have to fear is fear itself

i honestly can't figure out why creating this blog has become a source of angst for me. i haven't written an entry in over a week, and not because i have had no blog-worthy ideas circulating my brain, but because of something else. but what? i have my theories...perhaps i am too afraid to committ my thoughts and ideas because that makes them publically mine. anything that i happen to imagine in my head is safe there...safe from rejection, safe from ridicule, basically safe from anyone who can bring on the criticism and negativity. but what i keep safe is also kept hidden and suppressed. converting ideas to paper (or in this case, a virtual blog) makes them exposed to the world. i become exposed. hold up, you may be thinking. reality check: the world is not reading your blog! this is certainly true, for only a few people are probably reading my blog at this point. but even the thought of one person reading my work makes me self-conscious and doubtful of my abilities as a writer and communicator. i'm starting to realize that this is crazy! technology has made it possible for the dumbest of the dumb to profile themselves on the internet, why should i feel inferior? it's nonsensical, but it is my reality. i've never been able to keep up with a diary my entire life (despite several failed attempts)...so my logic goes, why should this blog be any different? why start something if i'm just going to end up bailing on it? everyone deals with combating fears of failure and this is just one more battle i have to try and overcome. i remind myself that we are talking about a harmless blog, but the fear of failure is significant no matter the setting. from here on out, i will stop approaching the boomeranger as a test of my capabilities but rather as an avenue for relating to others by way of releasing my thoughts so that they may become free, exposed, naked. besides, who doesn't like to be naked every now and then?