eureka

last night was the final night i had with my sister before she left to go back to california. during her week-long visit i had been anxious to talk to her about what direction my life should take. as summer is fading into fall, i need to be departing my contemplation stage and moving towards more of a decision-making stage. i have several offers to coach local area volleyball clubs, but i also have this incessant itch to pack up and move to florida. why florida? the desirable weather forecast and enthused beach volleyball culture make for a perfect training base. if i was enlisted in volleyball bootcamp, i would want to be stationed either here or california, and since i have already experienced so-cal, i am intrigued by what its eastern counter-part has to offer.
anyways, this past week i have been waiting for the right moment to start the "what am i going to do with my life!?" conversation with my sister. as it turns out, this traditionally feared topic does not require as much analytical anticipation as one might expect (in this case, a brief pillow talk before bed will suffice). especially for a fresh 22 year-old graduate living at home, the answer is quite simple: what is my passion, and how can i achieve it? as i was explaining to my sister about the various coaching positions i could take in the coming months, i paused and said the words, "but my passion--" FREEZE. she stopped me dead in my tracks. my answer was right there: coaching is not my passion. playing beach volleyball is my passion. don't get me wrong--i enjoy coaching. it's a wonderful feeling when something you have been working on with a kid finally clicks for them. it's just that i would rather be focused on my own volleyball career and coaching on the side, not the other way around.
so this should be my focus, my sister pointed out, for i'm lucky to have found my passion and in a position to pursue it. i have nothing tying me down...no car payments, no loans, no rent, and nobody's livelihood to look after but my own. is there a more perfect time in one's life span to be a little selfish? "the only way you will fail is if you don't try", she says, and i know she is right but it still scares the shit out of me to admit that i am chasing my dream and could ultimately fall short. the other difficult part is knowing that what is best for me is not always best for some of the people i have become close with in recent months. a few friendships will definitely be tested, but if i'm not courageous enough to ultimately put my goals and aspirations above all others, the only person i will be cheating is myself.