more than one way to use a latte

lattes are the perfect hand-warmers, wouldn't you agree? one in each hand--the only time you can double-fist a beverage without your friends taking bets on the hour at which you are going to face plant on the dance floor. i was carrying the hot beverages from jane, a new bakery on fillmore street, back to my sister's apartment in san francisco. i'm in the city for just the weekend, which means only three days of exceptional-don't-mind-shoveling-out-four-bucks-a-pop coffee. i asked the friendly barista with the scruffy chin if they had almond milk. they didn't. not even skim. just whole and 2% (i thought whole milk was 2%). so i had to settle for a fatty latte made with fatty milk that only fatties drink (i know, life is tough). as i stood there in my spongy, bodyglove trucker hat, i thought to myself in true judy garland fashion, "we're not in l.a. anymore". definitely not. ordering a cup of coffee in l.a. would play out more like this, "oh yes, we've got almond milk! or do you prefer soy? goat's? the milk of an endangered giraffe? how about human breast milk? can you spare a few minutes? our wet nurse, shelley, is just returning from her lunch break."

i really milked that comparison.