livelihood

this is the second week in a row that i have been scheduled to work only one shift. it’s the closest feeling to being unemployed i've felt since june, when i was actually unemployed. “our labor costs are exceeding our store revenue,” says the bossman, “and i have to take care of the people who have been here for four, five years…it’s their livelihood.”

reality check: i don’t think that anyone who waits on tables is not doing it for their livelihood. yah…come to think of it, i just enjoy busting my balls in an unflattering cotton t-shirt and $11.99 velcro shoes. i have so many other opportunities to pay the bills, but i'd rather rely on tips instead. and here’s the kicker: the folks who have seniority over me have chosen to stay at this restaurant for nearly half a decade. now that's gotta be more frightening than anything i’m going to run into this halloween weekend.

naturally, my newly acquired work predicament has stirred up a little fear inside my little world, causing me to pick up more babysitting hours and hold on to those twenties a little bit tighter. but this isn't how i should view my situation, according to my polish influence. she’s been trying to tell me that my reduction in hours is just what the universe wants for me. my own self, she continues, is manifesting this outcome and i should be reading the signs: maybe this pinch of fear is just the motivational push i have been craving to pursue something else i’ve been wanting to pursue. like writing my book, perhaps?

universe. manifestation. you have to understand that these are two words that serve as the back bone to my polish influence’s understanding of the world. this is the same girl who taught me to be sensitive to the energy around me—in people, in places, even in food. the same girl who, before giving me her trucker hat that i had been eyeing, had me burn a bundle of sage in her VW bug to rid the hat of her energy so that it could accept mine.

you may be wigged out at this juncture, and i completely understand. i've never been one to invite the spiritual side of life into my life...minerals containing healing powers? my being a gemini actually meaning something? let's face it: burning incense was stepping over the line for me. my point is that my acceptance and knowledge of all things spiritual has come a long way, and all it has taken is exposure and listening. i don't buy into everything that my polish influence believes but i'm open to hearing her out. maybe i'm not just another waitress drone at the mercy of her general manager. maybe, deep down, i don't want to be scheduled to work as often and the reality i want is the reality i am creating...

i think she would be proud if she could hear me right now.