as told by the ONE person who responded to my inquiry (who would like to remain anonymous):
You have been the most relentless, tumultuous, and degrading relationship I have ever had. So many times I have tried to delete you, but your powers reel me back in time after time. I hate how you update me on random people I haven’t seen or talked to in four years. I hate how I care.
Not to mention, it’s creepy as fuck when you advertise cupcake shops near my house when I have never listed my address. It’s not only creepy, it’s rude…if you knew anything, I’m trying not to eat sweets.
And as for those status updates you provide me? Pu-lease. You think I’m impressed? Think again. I think those people are self-promoting fools who are obviously not as “busy” and “productive” as they claim to be since they are updating their facebook statuses every thirty minutes. Whatever happened to knocking someone for “tooting their own horn.” Apparently humility has gone right out the window along with proper grammar. “Your the best”…really, REALLY? I digress.
Facebook, if you weren’t my connection to the rest of the world and the leader in social networking, I would leave you and never look back. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with you, like a wealthy, verbally abusive boyfriend I just can’t live without. Is this what “keeping in touch with friends” has come to? Can’t I just pick up a phone? No. I can’t. Because if I delete my profile I’ll miss out on all the link sharing, the gossiping, and the photo posting. I’ll have to actually make an effort to reach out to people I want to stay in touch with and let others go. And everyone wants to have lots of “friends,” right? Because that is what you, facebook, are all about, right? Surely you haven’t become a moneymaking scheme to use my personal information to sell me useless goods and services, right? Please get back to me. I seem to have forgotten your purpose.
Sincerely,
anonymous twentysomething
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