aqlcb

alright, the paragraph that i posted yesterday is what we call an "acute quarter-life crisis breakdown". aqlcb. not the best acronym out there, but i challenge anyone to prove me wrong. you see, for us young adults between the ages of twenty and thirty, it is my understanding that 99% of us are stuck on this theme-park ride where "nothing really feels wrong yet nothing really feels right either". the worst part is that you have to go on the ride by yourself and thus constantly feel as if you are the only person being thrust left and right and upside-down. but in reality, you are not alone, for there are thousands upon thousands of young adults out there stuck on this same torturous ride. what happened while i was at starbucks yesterday was that i suddenly receded back to that feeling that i am alone and confused and without a seatbelt in this world. anything can trigger this acute breakdown; in my case, it was words like "square-footage" from a lady who i perceived to "have it all". she was planning her dream home, and i was getting ready to clean up after people's messes. that's how i simplified and compared my life with this complete stranger's life, triggering an army of "who am i?" and "what am i doing?" questions. that was my monday aqlcb.

and then i went to work waiting on tables and cleaning after people's messes. as business got slower, i had more time to get to know one of my co-workers (who also happens to be a beach volleyball player). by the time we had both clocked out, i discovered that she and i were more similar than i could have imagined. i told her i was without a car and she told me that she had been without a car for eight months when she first moved here. she's actually staying at a friends place right now (a.k.a. couch surfing) and living out of her car. and she, like me, doesn't have a career but rather works part-time jobs and continues to pursue her hobbies. my deflated and isolated self was being pumped with positivity and a sense of companionship--like when you go for a walk on the beach and notice all the footprints stamped into the sand from people who have already treaded the path that

you are just getting started on. truth is, this girl has struggled far more in her life than i have...doesn't see her sister often and lost her mother to cancer not five years ago. i had already looked up to her, but after hearing more of her life story, i think she has grown a few extra inches. though a strong, confident woman, even she is not immune to her battle scars that lead to moments of weakness. tears were shed when the pain from losing her mother had no place to go but resurface, and in that instant she only grew more strong in my eyes. i've spent the last five minutes typing and re-typing words to try and explain how this happens, but i can't.

so the next time i have an aqlcb (because please, that is inevitable), i'll let myself indulge in my moment of weakness but come out of it quicker than before because i know that i am not alone. correction, we are not alone.