the all-mighty boob

currently sitting in a comfy starbucks chair in terminal b of the charlotte airport. i've got a pretty sweet two and a half-hour layover. checked my messages when i got off the plane and was surprised to hear that rocky had called. yah, i don't know a rocky, and a rocky surely doesn't know me (and probably never will). he really wanted to get in touch with me though, which made me THIS CLOSE to doing the decent thing by calling him back to inform him that he has the wrong number. i was THIS CLOSE.

whenever i'm flying solo and my mom is with me to see me off, she always says to me "you know, honey, if anything looks funny, you don't have to get on the flight." i always respond with a nod, but this time i decided to play dumb...

"like, how would i know if something looked suspicious, mom?"

"well, they are training women now--women doctors--to perform breast implants and put bombs in those implants. so- "

"so, any woman with a b-cup or higher. got it."

"if you see anyone touching or adjusting their breasts--"

"mom, thank you for supplying me with material for my blog today."

oh man was that priceless...she just started laughing, then a little more nervously as she contemplated others being able to experience her sage advice. "i feel like it is my duty to tell you these things for your own protection! it was on fox news!" she says.

i nod.