tumbling down

when the parents are away, the kids are expected to take over some of the daily duties that keep the household in tip-top shape. like running the dishwasher for instance, or watering the plants. or, as is the case with my brother and i, taking the pets for their twice daily dump-run. logan, our cat, is no problem, because he is a cat and he doesn't need a human to tell him when and where to shit. what a champ. but toby, our dog, is another story. i was instructed to feed him in the morning and then immediately take him outside so that he wouldn't relieve himself in the house. so that's exactly what i have been doing and i haven't run into any major obstacles.

so this morning he pisses, then he craps, then he does that involuntary kicking motion with his hind legs and gallops toward me...like he is so fucking happy to have shit all by himself. so i'm thinking, i guess i'll take him with me while i walk to go get the paper. it's a beautiful morning, why not? ten seconds later his rear is touching our driveway and he's got that "here it comes" look in his eyes. i'm tugging on the leash as hard as i can to try and prevent him from doing it right there on our damn driveway! why can't he take two steps to the right where there is foliage!? but he won't budge--despite my efforts--and i see two round pieces of shit start tumbling down our driveway. all the way down. i watch those pieces of shit tumble all the way down our driveway and i think to myself, i'll never forget this moment. and in a few years when i start craving a dog of my own i'm going to look back on this and ask myself, "is it really worth it?"

come party it up on my yacht!

looks like everyone in town has come out of hibernation and now wants to grab a drink or a bite to eat at my restaurant. the money has been good. and I mean real good…like i was walking to my parked ford focus with nearly three hundred dollars in my pocket last friday. yet i still came into work last night with low expectations since it was, afterall, a monday night in the restaurant biz (arguably the worst night of the week). little did i know that i would barely have enough time to write down our dinner specials before having to greet my first group. i still have no idea what our soup of the day was (and neither did any of my customers).

so there i was, thrust into my very first shift manning the cocktail section. i had always viewed the cocktail section with 49% envy and 51% fear. envy because you can make bank in this section. fear because the kind of atmosphere that slowly develops in a cocktail section is the same kind that waitstaff hate: disorderly conduct. parties arrive and leave in fragments. hands shoot up for another lager, another citronade, a few more menus, a round of shots. your trusty roadmap for navigating the various clumps of customers eventually becomes useless because the lanes get cluttered with people and they start acting like kings engaged in fierce imperialistic tactics...pulling chairs and tables together to expand their empires. they are all just trying to claim the best real estate, and all i'm trying to do is work through the mess. you have to try and memorize each face and where they originated from because when you return with their rum and coke there is an excellent chance they won’t be there. serving cocktail is just so incredibly different from serving inside where everything is orderly, geometric, and scripted…where people are properly seated and don’t leave that seat unless to use the restroom. but there is always the flipside, isn’t there? and in this case it’s rather interesting because the general chaotic atmosphere that thrives in cocktail actually creates a down-to-earth, casual vibe that can be very beneficial when dealing with people. a little of that stiffness and formality that comes with wearing a button-up collared shirt and a tie is shed. customers are really there to relax with friends under the carolina sun…so they don’t get so pissy when you forget a thing or two. or three.

thank god for the supportive staff though because honestly i wouldn’t be even a half-decent waitress without them. from the kitchen guys to the bartenders, these people have been so incredible to me. i wish i could just surprise them all by saying, “hey, this whole waitressing thing? it was a test! a test of your integrity and teamwork as a business. i’m actually a millionaire! come party it up with me on my yacht!” why do i play out these scenarios in my head? damn, that would be amazing though…i wish i could afford some grand gesture like that. maybe someday. but for now, i'm just trying to decide between baking a confetti cake or hiding candy-filled plastic eggs around the restaurant for everyone to find on easter sunday.

kryptonite

it was 2 a.m. and i was still wide awake, anticipating the next flash of lightning to illuminate my bedroom and counting down the seconds for the rolling thunder to hit...which literally made me tremble under my pottery barn sheets. the kind of bang that shook my very core. the kind of storm that makes you realize how mother nature is always in control. how she can rock your world at any moment. how you should feel humbled to be a creature living among her. and, most notably, the kind of storm that brings your brother into your room to check if you too are still awake. so my brother set up camp on my floor and we waited out the storm together, both comforted by the other's mere presence. both silently thanking the insulated walls that separated us from the merciless wind and downpour that danced together for hours outside. two adults with full-time jobs fully engaged in what some might call a childish scene. well, then i'd have to say that childish, sibling love is mother nature's kryptonite, for brother and sister fell sound asleep.

This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone.

just about 9:00 a.m. on a typical thursday morning.

sitting here with a small cup of house-brewed java.

looking through yesterday's news because today's is still perched on the driveway which, if you knew how our property was configured, is a perfectly good excuse to favor the lazy route. besides, how else am i gonna check if the weather people got it right!?

anyhow, one thing is definitely different about this particular morning (and the last...and the last). is it...what's playing on the television? nope, top 20 countdown is in session. what about what i had for breakfast? cereal: check. wait, i got it. no parents.

sorry, was i not enthusiastic enough? NO PARENTS!!!

they are currently thousands of miles away in california. i am here. i don't have to hear the marital bickering about why the dishes are in the sink. or who's going to take toby (our deaf dog) for a "dump-run" as we call it. it's absolutely marvelous, but a little strange, since i am here in this big, beautiful house surrounded by other big, beautiful houses...not somewhere a twenty-three year-old would normally be situated. but hey, i am a boomeranger after all. can't forget that. unlike macaulay culkin, i won't be binging on desserts or planning an elaborate defense system for the house (remember, i've got the deaf dog for protection). but i will be doing some grocery shopping (minus the toothbrush incident) and perhaps jumping on some beds.

bye bye boning

happy monday people.

a large coffee is just 1.25 (plus tax) at caribou today. i mention them so frequently i feel like they should start paying me.

last night i booked my trip to california for the wedding that i will be partaking in. really excited to see family and all my high school friends, but at the same time wishing i didn't have to take a full week off of work. can't have it both ways (as the saying goes).

can i say something about tailors? i took my bridesmaid dress to this tailor shop at the mall yesterday and i have to say that things could've gone more smoothly. i don't think it is wise to be a tailor who does not speak english very well because you may get a customer (me) who starts throwing out the terms "boning" and "padding" while motioning to her breasts. that could create some shortness of breadth if the confused tailor gravitates his hands dangerously close to the customer's (me) bust area. and that's exactly what happened, which prompted me to suggest that he fetch another tailor. luckily, the next guy was accustomed to the terminology and we had no more hand on breast issues. i mean, in all honesty, it's been a while...but the day i bring a dress to the tailor shop for anything other than a few tugs and pins will never come.

if anyone else has a good tailor story i'd love to hear it.

it's a beautiful morning

i know my hair is disheveled, my eyes are still very much asleep, and my legs and feet are still exhausted from the fact that i've worked five shifts in a row these past two and a half days... but i am still crazily anxious to get out of bed because the sun's rays are finding their way through my curtains and the birds are chirping and my stomach is calling for food and MAN it's a beautiful morning :)

which is going to turn into a beautiful day because i'll be spending it playing volleyball in wilmington with my friends. oh hey, there goes my alarm! i should really work on changing the tone from "ding, dong...ding, dong" to "it's a beautiful morning" by the rascals. go listen to it. now.

sweet to bitter

you may recall the bold statement i made about my mother. about how distance (physical) is the only thing that will bring our relationship (emotional) closer again. she could very well feel hurt if she knew that i was sharing this sentiment with the "world". but let me make something clear: it does not matter how wonderful your parents are. it doesn't matter if they make you mocha lattes, cover your bare legs with a blanket, threaten to chew out your boss, or actually, genuinely want to spend time with you (as mine do). they could be the best parents on god's green earth...unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that the generations will clash. and that is because, put simply, twenty-somethings are not meant to live with their parents.

i can't speak for all walks of life. i can only speak on behalf of boomerangers like myself, the college grads who, after shifting their tassel from one side to the other and enduring teary goodbyes, end up right where they left off four years prior: eating, showering, and sleeping under their parent's roof.

blame it on the crappy job market. blame it on the high cost of rent, or our educators for not teaching us enough about the obstacles we will face fresh out of college. blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol like t-pain if you wish. whatever the circumstances, most of us have returned to the nest to save money, buy time, and/or "find ourselves". but in addition to finding ourselves, we are also finding that we have grown so much since high school and throughout college. at least i feel that i am growing out of the family dynamic i have known all my life (meaning the part where they are there when i wake up and there when i go to sleep). yes, it is comforting and yes, it is safe. but it is also suffocating.

twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three...this is the time in our lives when

we want to be establishing our independence, creating space between ourselves and the one's who reared us. college gives you a taste of what living on your own feels like and you begin to get used to that flavor...that is, until life orders you a separate dish from the menu and suddenly you find yourself chowing down on that familiar london broil with broccoli and mashed potatoes at the family dinner table. but you can still remember the taste, that sweet taste of calling your own shots, making and learning from our own mistakes. basically, making and playing by your own rules. living with your

parents does not allow you the authority of doing this, and that, i believe, is what complicates and aggravates the whole situation.

when returning home to live with your parents used to always feel

like a fresh breath of air now feels like there is not enough air for which to breathe.

what once tasted sweet now tastes bitter.

so even though i love and appreciate my mom and dad dearly, i am consumed with trying to create as much space as possible between us, for space gives me that breathe of fresh air. and as cheesy as it sounds, space gives me room to spread my wings. okay, that was so cheesy i have to vomit now.

spring break

i apologize to my readers and to myself for taking a week off from writing. i could easily blame it on the season--spring break season--where most everyone around my age is taking off for a tropical cruise, the coast, or some other destination to take their minds off of school. maybe it got in my head that i wanted/deserved/yearned for a week off from "the daily grind" as well. but that's a lie, because my lifestyle of waitressing and playing volleyball is exactly what i want it to be right now. the truth is that i have started to put unnecessary pressure on how i write and what i write about again, which always yields the same result: blank pages. well, spring break is over. i'm back, baby, i'm back.

and what a perfect day to be writing again since two months from today marks the beginning of my cross-country road-trip with my three good friends.

we still have all the details to work out but we have found common ground on our desire to stop in louisiana, have texan barbecue, and see the grand canyon. soooo basically we have nothing figured out.

another reason why today, the fifteenth of march, is a pretty keen day is because my bridesmaid dress arrived at my front steps this morning. as i struggled to pry apart the wrapping, my parents and i prepared for the end because the dress was packaged more like a bomb than a dress. at the very least we were expecting that somewhere between shanghai and north carolina someone had mistaken my package for a sizable amount of cocaine. after finally relenting to the all-mighty scissor, a green gown emerged from within the paper and plastic cocoon. phew. tonight i will try on the thing and prepare myself for a sizable bill in alterations. now i just need shoes and a flight to california and i will actually be a part of this wedding (bride-to-be, i hope you aren't reading this...).

bit by the travel-bug

"hi honey, i missed you!"

were the first words that came out of my mom's mouth as i walked through the front door this morning after having been gone the past three days. i was competing in a tournament in siesta key, florida over the weekend with my volleyball buddies. we made the 12-hour trek on friday morning and then again on sunday afternoon. all this traveling lately has really raised my road trip savviness. for instance, when ordering a milkshake past ten 0'clock, the drive-thru person will 9 out of 10 times lie to you that they ran out of ice cream (the truth being that they've just cleaned the machine early and want to avoid dirtying it up again by making you your milkshake). if this happens, proceed to the fast-food restaurant across the street and try your luck there.

all this traveling has also had a small but noticeable impact on my relationship with my mom. within thirty minutes of being home i got the "we need to make time to spend time with one another" from her. my absence from the house--due to playing volleyball and working--reduces our face-to-face time, which drastically reduces the chances of us getting into a tiff. this is not a revelation by any means. weeks ago i told her flat out that our relationship would not improve until i was no longer living here. she was taken back by my candidness but i made it clear that i had accepted this fact and that she mine as well accept it too. no need to sugarcoat it: distance is the only thing that will bring us closer again. that i am sure of. i'll shed more light on this later...for now, i've really got to get some shut-eye because four hours of sleep on a couch just doesn't do it for me.

this sucks.

my keeping my head up right now would require someone else to literally keep my head up.

okay, i'm being dramatic.

but seriously, i have made shit money this entire week. i’ve basically been a very well-dressed slave. it would be more worthwhile to just drive into town, feed the meter, and then call in sick. the only thing i knew to do to deal with my two-dollar payday today (it was zero yesterday) was to go for a long walk outside. and i was not about to let a little drizzle get in the way of my working out my frustration on that pavement. it's actually befitting to feel like you've been rained on by life and then to actually be rained on. damn this cold weather though...now it's not just inhibiting my ability to workout but it directly limiting my cash flow.

returning to reality... mom just arrived home with bags of groceries and right now all i can think about is that i wish she picked up the right guacamole. you’d be surprised how much guacamole out there are not made with actual avocados. i also hope that she bought the oatmeal i asked her to pick up, for i am going to make a large batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and distribute them at work tomorrow. even though my place of work and i have not gotten along this week, i still appreciate all the guidance my co-workers have given me as i’ve transgressed from one side of this world to the other: from life before i was a waitress to like after i became a waitress. a waitress that is still terrified of having to open a bottle of wine for a customer that is…

well i should probably go downstairs and help her unload the groceries, especially since i know my brother won’t be much help right now…he is running laps around the house and going up and down the stairs for his workout since it’s too nippy outside. oh-just poked my head out of my room in time to catch him throwing fake punches. holy (guaca) moly.

become a bee keeper

hello people,

i'm relaxing at the caribou coffee shop in downtown chapel hill-just killing time before i report back to work. luckily the place isn't bursting at the seams with students like it often is at this time of day. when that happened the other week i didn't know what to do with myself, especially since starbucks was just as packed. i ended up at the unc planetarium.

i think that the most exciting thing that is going to happen to me today happened about thirty minutes ago when the barista handed me my house coffee...in a newly-designed to-go cup. i'm the kind of girl who gets excited about these things. as a matter of fact, i secretly want to be the person behind the next to-go cup to hit coffee houses around the country. anyhow, this particular cup is covered in "handwritten" phrases. it's telling me to make time for silly. compliment a stranger. enter a pie eating contest. become a bee keeper. and to "smile first and ask questions later," among other things. i could probably apply that last one to waitressing. but i will not be adopting an animal any time soon.

i pretty much know how the rest of my day will go...i'll roll back into work mentally prepared to make about fifty dollars but hoping for more. i'll have my share of carefree customers and uptight ones and try not to let any of them get the best of me. i'll silently curse when a table of eight decides that they want eight separate checks and then add, "by the way, we're really in a hurry". when i'm cut by the manager, i'll finish my duties and walk out of the joint a little heavier than when i entered (from the cold hard cash, not the dinner rolls). then i'll drive on home to find my parents watching television on the couch and mumbling something to me about what they had for dinner. they'll ask me a few questions--for which i'll respond with as few words as possible--then comment on my shortness and reluctance to engage in conversation. depending on how that interaction pans out i'll either find a seat beside them or retire to my room upstairs.

curtain close.