coasting

usually i finish writing an entry and then come up with the title for it, but this time, the title has inspired the entry. i came across the word "coasting" this morning and it has stuck with me all day. i just feel like i am coasting in life right now, and not in a "life is running smoothly and according to plan" kind of way but a "life around me is moving but i am not" way. i have no idea where august went and we are already approaching the middle of september. i'm just floating-high on a cloud somewhere-watching the changing of the seasons pass by me. i feel like i should be back at school but i'm not...i'm the kid playing hooky but nobody has noticed that i'm gone. morning turns to night. things are predictable. i am becoming too comfortable here for my own good. it's time to leap from this cloud to somewhere else in the sky...and i must force myself to leave my parachute behind.

ahhhh

just had another mini episode. i wouldn't call it a breakdown because that's just took strong a word i think. you never can predict when these moments will occur...there i was, a 45-minute younger version of myself, thinking that my parents and i would go get a bite to eat and then hit up borders for some causal reading. then 30 minutes go by...and another ten...and the whole time i am waiting, and waiting.to pass the time i start watching television on the second level. then my dad begins yelling from the bottom level about some fascinating show he is watching. "this is amazing! you gotta see this! you won't believe..." he continues. i know what he is watching: either how it's made or unwrapped. i continue to ignore him but he keeps on yelling every few minutes. it's really starting to drive me crazy at this point and on top of that i am growing increasingly hungry. since i've adopted a "eat when you're hungry" philosophy, i decide that i can't wait any longer for my parents to get their asses in gear. f*** it. bowl of special k cereal for dinner. then my mom comes downstairs like not a minute has gone by and, oh yes, my dad yells up at us. then i'm mouthing off to them- which i feel bad about as soon as the words leave my mouth-but i can't help it. i'm having a "i gotta get out of here!" moment.

imagine that

my mom is currently sleeping face-down in the middle of her bed-clothes on and everything. poor thing had to be at work from eight in the morning until eight at night. i couldn't help but laugh when i peered into the bedroom and saw what looked like the aftermath of a long night of drinking and partying. i did a little drinking and partying myself last night-something i normally wouldn't bring up, however, i think sharing what i did last night with what i did tonight would make for an interesting comparison.

so saturday night my friend and i met up at my brother's place for a little pre-drinking (and wii mario cart racing). this friend of mine is actually more than just a friend...she is my beach volleyball partner, which means we both work and play together (although in our case i guess work and play are the same thing?). anyways, we went to this really chill bar in downtown raleigh which featured a dj, pool table, and most importantly, beer pong. we basically claimed a corner of the bar and continued to dominate our opponents the whole night. i met a group of guys who were out celebrating their friend's bachelor party. sadly, the bachelor was the cutest of the lot. go figure. we then stopped at a quieter bar to order a round of premium guinness draft beer. probably a waste of money in hindsight because at that point we were pretty hungry and everyone had stopped serving food. you know what that means-drive-thru! i practically inhaled my mcdonald's fries. then we were home and that was that. nothing crazy, just a good night.

now what would you say if i asked you to predict what i did tonight knowing that that last paragraph is a disruption in my regular routine? you would probably predict a nice, quiet evening at home? perhaps a sit-down dinner? with channel surfing for dessert? yes, yes, and yes. the moment i got a voicemail from my mom telling me that the crab at the market was on sale i knew there was a feast to be had. suddenly, any alternate plans for the evening would quite simply have to be dumped. to be completely honest, i had the opportunity to socialize with friends or go on a movie date with a physical specimen, both of which i passed up. alright, i know what you must be thinking...but it wasn't just the lure of crab meat that kept me home, it was the incredible sunday night t.v. line-up that awaited me: planet earth, shark tank, and mad men. wait, did i just make myself sound more pathetic?! whatever. there we were: mom, dad, brother, and sister all around the dinner table talking and eating crab. well, we ate most of the crab while my dad was just crabby. he doesn't agree with the whole "work for your food" approach to dining, something my mother and brother embrace with enthusiasm. so after much complaining about how he was getting no return on his investment with the crab, my dad puttered around the kitchen looking for alternate foods before finally settling on a jar of mixed nuts. after dinner i retired to the lower-level for some much anticipated television viewing.

did the same person just have these nights back-to-back? yes she did. one luxury of living at home is that i can have these kind of nights in the same weekend if i want to. "truly incredible", they'll say, "she's a beer pong champion one evening and a family girl the next". wait, i'm no superhero...i'm just a boomeranger, wondering what seafood could be on sale this week...

what's that you said?

hmm...i definitely have the urge to write something but i can't settle on any one talking point in particular. my dad is currently on his first official date with the college football season downstairs while my mom and i lounge on the second level. perhaps this is a good time for a lesson in boomeranger lingo as it relates to my life specifically...

today was a good day at the office. now when i say "office", you should know by now that i am not referring to anything relating to the traditional sense of what the word office actually represents. this means no cubicles, no desktops, and absolutely no artificial lighting. my office is anywhere that a sand volleyball court exists. this is my office because this is the setting in which i learn, harbor, and execute my skills, all in the hope of bettering myself and those around me (my associates if you will). we all mosey on into the office when we please because the only "boss" that exists in our world are the intangibles: heart and drive for the sport. sure, some of us may put more pressure on ourselves to succeed in certain tournaments for monetary reasons, but we don't come into work everyday on that alone. needless to say, if you are concerned solely about money, this is not the business for you. no resumes required to compete here :)

not only do we hope that people show up to the office ready to work hard, but also wear the appropriate attire. this requires the accumulation of a plethora of "business suits". if you are picturing a coat and tie while reading this, you really need to get with the program. in our world, the only business suit acceptable comes in a two-piece, and preferably one in style. for the men, simple swim trunks will do, but bonus points are given out for creativity. i've come across some hideous outfits over the months, but the important thing to remember is not to underestimate the fashion senseless-actual skill could be lurking beneath an army-patterned bandanna-wearing individual.

so just because we don't carry briefcases, don't use post-its, and don't huddle around the water cooler doesn't mean that we lack an "office" culture. there is much protocol and faux-paus that surrounds a typical day at the office, but that discussion is for another time.

stay tuned for more lessons in boomeranger lingo...

bedtime

i literally go to bed these days because i have nothing better to do. just a moment ago i was sprawled out on my parent's bed when i heard the creepy woman from the computer say in her monotone voice, "it's 9 o'clock". i thought to myself, should i just go to bed? i'm in my pajamas, i'm bored, and the computer just talked to me. but then i hear the voices of my fellow 22 year-old's of the world screaming, "are you crazy? the night is still young!"

it makes me miss my college days... the sense of sharing at least one wall with another person and knowing that if i knocked on that wall, i'd probably hear a knock back. after graduation, i went from being one of five roommates to being one of three people who could still get away with wearing a short skirt (sorry mom). the individuals whom i have had considerable interaction with this summer are twice my age. most of them are married with children and mortgages and (gasp) careers. we are all connected through our passion for volleyball, and the valuable lesson i have learned is that as you grow older, age becomes less important. i've been able to relate to people i never thought possible; however, i'm not ready to take on this older generation full-time.

what i crave is an apartment full of twenty-somethings, eager to contemplate the questions they do not know the answers to. an apartment full of twenty-somethings who have to make their presence known when they walk through the front door, who never know what they are having for dinner because a part of them still expects that someone else will be doing the cooking, and who make it a nighttime ritual of making fun of one another. god i miss ridiculing my roommates...sometimes the laughter was so contagious i thought i could live and die in that apartment. i can't recall a single night when i went to bed bored.

sunshine state

operation "move to florida" has been set in motion. i've contacted everyone i know who is either connected to the state in some way themselves or knows of someone who is. i've checked out both frommer's and fodor's florida travel guides form the public library to boost my familiarity (they compare miami to a teenager: a young beauty with growing pains, cocky yet confused, quick to embrace the latest fads, exasperating yet lovable). i have even made a facebook status for the first time in my life that asks for anyone to come forth with anything florida-related, and we all know how legitimate a facebook status is. now i just can't be lazy about following up on leads...i have to be pro-active and pick-up the phone, something i've always been timid about. florida is waiting for me with out-stretched arms...i can feel it. but will i be able to feel the support of my parents? emotionally: yes, no doubt about it. but financially? sorry, but i'm afraid i'm going to have to cut this post short...i need to consult frommer's and see if they have a 'bank of mom and dad' branch in florida.

eureka

last night was the final night i had with my sister before she left to go back to california. during her week-long visit i had been anxious to talk to her about what direction my life should take. as summer is fading into fall, i need to be departing my contemplation stage and moving towards more of a decision-making stage. i have several offers to coach local area volleyball clubs, but i also have this incessant itch to pack up and move to florida. why florida? the desirable weather forecast and enthused beach volleyball culture make for a perfect training base. if i was enlisted in volleyball bootcamp, i would want to be stationed either here or california, and since i have already experienced so-cal, i am intrigued by what its eastern counter-part has to offer.
anyways, this past week i have been waiting for the right moment to start the "what am i going to do with my life!?" conversation with my sister. as it turns out, this traditionally feared topic does not require as much analytical anticipation as one might expect (in this case, a brief pillow talk before bed will suffice). especially for a fresh 22 year-old graduate living at home, the answer is quite simple: what is my passion, and how can i achieve it? as i was explaining to my sister about the various coaching positions i could take in the coming months, i paused and said the words, "but my passion--" FREEZE. she stopped me dead in my tracks. my answer was right there: coaching is not my passion. playing beach volleyball is my passion. don't get me wrong--i enjoy coaching. it's a wonderful feeling when something you have been working on with a kid finally clicks for them. it's just that i would rather be focused on my own volleyball career and coaching on the side, not the other way around.
so this should be my focus, my sister pointed out, for i'm lucky to have found my passion and in a position to pursue it. i have nothing tying me down...no car payments, no loans, no rent, and nobody's livelihood to look after but my own. is there a more perfect time in one's life span to be a little selfish? "the only way you will fail is if you don't try", she says, and i know she is right but it still scares the shit out of me to admit that i am chasing my dream and could ultimately fall short. the other difficult part is knowing that what is best for me is not always best for some of the people i have become close with in recent months. a few friendships will definitely be tested, but if i'm not courageous enough to ultimately put my goals and aspirations above all others, the only person i will be cheating is myself.

time well spent

if you were to walk in my bedroom right now and read the calendar on the wall you would say that today, on the 24th of august, i attended a job fair. my track record for sticking to things that i write on my calendar is pretty darn good...but today, i did not attend that job fair. i didn't make small talk for hours in hopes of landing a part-time job as a ticket-scanner or perhaps a concession stand worker for the upcoming hurricanes hockey season. nope. completely blew it off. let me tell you what i did instead.
8:30... i awake, well-rested but still a bit groggy, and start chatting with my sister beside me. we analyze some late-night text messages that i received and watch some dumb cat videos on youtube.
8:45...my grandma peeks her adorable self into the room and plops onto the bed with us.
8:48...my mom follows suit. it's a grown-up slumber party.
8:55...we've decided that we are all going to get ready quickly and go somewhere for breakfast.
9:50...dad returns home from coaching. the gang heads out in separate cars.
10:00-11:30...coffee, scones, muffins, and the morning paper at one of our favorite spots.
11:30...i leave with my sister for home, then we go for a run at a nearby trail.
2:30...head out in the car again for my brother's place.
3:00-7:30...kick-it with the family poolside...dad's barbecued chicken and salad for dinner. dad gets in the pool and decides to re-enact the fireworks show that is put on nightly at the epcot center at disney world. we are embarrassed but can't help but laugh hysterically.
8:00...drive my grandma home and talk to her about things that i'm guessing few 22 year-old's get the chance to talk about with their 83 year-old, newly-widowed grandmothers.
8:35 (right now)...unemployment has its perks.

full house

no no, i'm not going to start talking about the t.v. show. today, the fearsome threesome (mom, dad, and yours truly)has grown to five. my sister and grandma, who live out in california, will be spending the next week or so with us. we have all been looking forward to this moment with much anticipation, and i will especially enjoy the extra noise (sometimes it's just a bit too quiet here for my liking). right now we are all in the same room either reading the paper, working on the computer, or dozing in and out of consciousness from flying the red-eye. my brother has already clocked-in at work (a.k.a. online poker).
needless to say, the days leading up to their arrival consisted of various cleaning rituals. when guests are arriving--whether they be family or the queen of england--my mom adopts the persona of a dictator, listing off her demands to the lowly worker bees until the last possible second. i was proud of myself this time around because i actually took initiative before the dictator came to life. i happily told my parents which duties i would be taking care of in hopes that the whole process would run more smoothly and without unnecessary nagging. i cleaned the guest bedroom and changed the bedding. i scrubbed the bathroom, replaced the shower curtain, and emptied the garbage. i did everything i said i would with one exception: i did not vacuum the sand in the guest bathroom, and my mom made sure to remind me of that slip-up. what she doesn't know is that after i come home from volleyball training tonight the floor will inevitably be blessed with a few more grains...or rather, a few thousand.

a moment in time

it was another successful day at the office...yesterday, my beach volleyball partner and i took first place in a local beach tournament. we celebrated by sharing a six-pack and watching the remaining men's teams battle it out for glory. as i sat comfortably in the shade, i was acutely aware of just how happy i was at that moment. there just don't seem to be enough opportunities in life when one can bask in one's achievement both publicly and comfortably. maybe "bask" is the wrong word choice here...all i mean to say is that, in my opinion, few things compare to the feeling of being completely satisfied with your performance and able to reflect on that personal victory. if i were to describe to you the moments in my life when i have been perfectly at ease with the world, you would see me inside some gymnasium with a phone held up to one ear and a grin stretching across my face. i'm on the phone with my dad most likely, recalling the win my team just secured and the key plays that made it all possible. my words are eager and my mind is clear. the farthest that i can see into the future is what i could possibly be eating at my next meal. the sun has just risen and the possibilities are endless. my efforts have been rewarded and the team goal has been reached...there is nothing left to do but savor this moment in time. of course, time catches up to us, and after a couple of hours, the future returns to my consciousness larger than ever. the future represents a state of mind that is no longer open but filled with schedules and expectations, promises and doubt. the outlook is murky. poof. the bright feelings i just experienced becomes a distant memory, and all i can say is that it was another successful day at the office.